I just want to create things and have a dog and my cat and have dirty short fingernails because I'm an artist and a cook and nail polish chips off in ten minutes anyways.

I want independence. I want my car and a tiny spot I can call my own. I want my friends and visits to Vermont and New Hampshire. 

Bruise

It's been two weeks and my bruise is still lingering: 

Quiz

answer with all emojis

Favorite color: 💐

Favorite animal: 🐶

Favorite sport: 🏈

Favorite emoji: 😬🐻

Describe you: 🎨📷

Gender: 🙎

How many siblings: ✌🏻️

Cutest emoji: 👗👙

Night or day: ☀️

Favorite fruit: 🍓

Single or taken: 💑

Favorite season: 🔥🏊🏻☀️

Don't look at me

Sunglasses. The whole "awkward eye-contact from how many feet away and should I look back? Should I smile? Maybe I'll wrongly assess the situation and feel bad about myself after" thing is avoided by sunglasses and it took me 2 years to figure that out. 

I feel invisible and invincible.

Ahhh, the joys of crippling anxiety.

Update: sometimes I walk past a slower person and then become too aware that they are watching me from behind now and then I completely forget how to walk.  Sunglasses do not protect against that. Must wear invisibility cloak.

Jackson kept my picture on display.

Jackson's mom sent me a message at 7am.
It's only been two weeks since he left us but I feel my light, my faith, my soulshine is gone. My positivity, my desire to keep doing things, moving up and forward. My energy and my smile. My patience. I feel a bit like a shell.

I wonder how long that'll last.

I miss my friend.

Sleepover fun

Chris found a fork on the ground and put it on the back of the car (he calls the car 'Toad') and then we drove around all over the place and the fork never fell off.

Chris made dinner for us and it was DELICIOUS. Chicken and broccoli and side of noodles. Yum.

Chris and Robbie and I went swinging at night. It felt like a roller coaster and was so much fun. Chris climbed up a tree like 30 feet up.

We went swimming in the closed pool and I have huge bruises on my legs because I could hardly make it over the fence. I took my clothes off and jumped in!! I did it because I want to live in the spirit of Jackson, and I think he would have. I want to LIVE, since he can't anymore.

Robbie and I stayed up until 5am talking.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”